Square One

With the increased visibility of women in TV and movie land, I was under the impression that there are women who direct, write and act about the identity and goals of an American woman. So far, Lena Dunham of Girls, Shonda Rhimes, the creator of Grey's Anatomy, and Kathryn Bigelow,  the director of The Hurt Locker have all shown that American women face an arduous struggle to achieve their only goal of having a baby.

What is wrong with wanting to have a baby? Nothing, except that evolution, biology and history show that a physically healthy woman, regardless of her financial and social standing, her mental health and at times, tragically, without her consent, can have a baby at any time during her child-bearing years which on average span about 25-30 years. Yes, women have almost three decades , that is a baby being born and growing up to hit 30, to have a child.

The factors to consider before having a child such as being able to afford it, educating it and securing its future are salient points only if we are talking about having a child in America. Can anyone explain to rural Indian and Chinese women why they shouldn't have children. What about the women in Sub-Saharan African nations? What about the millions of women refugees living in squalid conditions across the world? 

Point being, women will bear children and be mothers regardless of what is going on in both their world and the world. So, why do we American women insist on making this de-facto human experience an extended journey into melodrama that only stunts our growth as human beings and indulges our selfish, impulsive and nonsensical whims?

Lena Dunham's “Girls” shows how a group of women in their early twenties establish their identity by throwing themselves at every man they come across. Date me, sleep with me, f**k me, treat me like s**t so that when I can better define the makings of a "good" man I will deem myself to be a "successful" woman with a solid worldview. When the tag line for the second season is "I resolve not to let guys treat my heart like monkey meat", I know not to expect lessons on managing upper management, securing a raise, establishing a professional network and identifying professional and personal goals.

Shonda Rimes and her "baby" Meredith Grey played by Ellen Pompeo is a perfect example for women wanting their babies to have babies. Grey's mom, Ellis,is a renowned surgeon who tells Grey to stop reveling in her daydreams of a married guy and start trying to be extraordinary. Of course such "heartless" advice can only come from a woman who fought against rampant sexism to achieve professional goals while struggling to care for a child that societal norms dictated she have with an ineffectual bumbling buffoon of a husband who wasn't intelligent enough to keep up with her. See? Even a dedicated surgeon can't escape being married and having a child, but Meredith Grey spends seven seasons struggling to gain foothold in the elusive department of Relationship Management, Marriage & Children.

Kathryn Bigelow was the first woman to win Best Director for her movie The Hurt Locker, which follows and an American bomb squad diffusing IEDs in Iraq. With every bomb these soldiers have to diffuse they face an existential crisis as they literally hold their lives in their own hands.  Great movie, but here is the kicker. The only woman in the movie is Jeremy Renner's girlfriend who has a child with him despite their shaky relationship. This girlfriend doesn't know how Renner's character is doing and if he will stay put once he returns but she bears and cares for their child. So, what do women viewers walk away with? "I understand how terrible it is for the soldiers out there. The least a woman can do is have his baby."

The fact that I cannot recall the name of the actress for her Emmy winning work in ABC's acclaimed series Lost but I remember the name of a guy who is only three blockbusters old shows how memorable women characters are in Oscar movies, but hey, they get to have babies.

So, where does this leave me? It leaves me with a higher disregard for movies, TV shows and performance pieces created, directed or made by women. When acclaimed works by women only focus on the "struggle" to have a baby, it puts women of all ages and backgrounds in a box where their roles are specific to the functioning of their reproductive systems. It discredits the struggle of a working mom demanding a promotion and higher pay, it irreparably influences a teen girl's expectations of herself, it puts a hollow ring to a college grad's ambition to achieve professional milestones and it makes older women literally "useless" in their professional and personal lives.

Women are making big strides, but TV and movies still have us slogging at square one.